Divvying out roses with The Bachelor

I’ve never felt inclined to date competitively on live television, but in the spirit of Valentines Day (or Anna Howard Shaw Day, if you’re a 30 Rock fan) I decided to check out one of TV’s longest running reality shows, The Bachelor (known by its alternate title: It’s Trash, But I Love It).

TV Tuttle: The Bachelor
TV Tuttle here trying to be Bachelor-ly

Pretty much every reality show incorporates the following ingredients: high stakes, high pressure decisions with no time to think, constant jeopardy and soap opera-level melodrama.

The Bachelor
Source: ABC The Bachelor Facebook

Here’s what happened in the first half of S21:E6: drama follows Corinne (or maybe it’s the other way around), Nick gallivants with beautiful women in St. Thomas, and alcohol ruins a perfectly boring game of volleyball.

Let’s jump into the predictions, shall we?

  • Corinne stays on the show—she must; she’s a dream for the producers – TRUE. But for the love of all things good, don’t ask her to compare gold or platinum.
  • Jasmine scares Nick and goes home – TRUE. Jasmine, please refrain from cracking jokes about how much you want to choke Nick.  Thank you.
  • Daniella outlasts Whitney on the 2-on-1 date – TRUE (WITH A TWIST).  Daniella then tells Nick that she’s falling in love with him but he does not share those feelings at all…so she has to leave.
  • Nick breaks down because it’s stressful dating so many people at once – TRUE.  But then he shows some more existential fears creeping in about never finding love.  He has been on this show at least four times already, so his fears are both warranted and highly lucrative for ABC.
  • What I did not anticipate: that so many women would go home early.  I’m also ashamed to say I believed the editors when they made Corinne falling on the beach seem super dramatic in the previews.
How I felt while watching The Bachelor
How I felt while watching The Bachelor

The Bachelor is completely ridiculous but very entertaining.  While I feel a bit gross after watching this two hour episode, I think it’s appropriate to conclude with a bit of life advice:

  • Contestants: drop the vocal fry.
  • Audience: watch this with friends.
  • TV Tuttle: never watch this again.
The Bachelor Cliches
The Bachelor Cliches

TV Tuttle gives The Bachelor 1/5 broken hearts.

TV Tuttle rating: 1/5 broken hearts